Another month, more rutt like living

Wow been so busy lately. No real excuse for not updating the blog, but it's just been a blur as of late. Main concern is my liver. Feels sensitive to the touch almost like it's bruised. I gotta just set up a meeting with a doctor and hear the words, "You gotta stop drinking, before you die idiot." I don't know why I keep putting it off. I know I'm in danger, and the fact I can't take at least one day off is basically gross. I didn't day drink, well other than at 6 AM after work, but that's kind of standard. Kinda dating a girl, who drinks likely as much, or more than me. All we do is drink and bang. It's nice and all, but I know it's unhealthy for me. My whole right side feels like I've been punched. Doesn't hurt unless I touch it, but I know this can't be good. I keep putting off a doctor's appointment and a meeting with a financial adviser. My computer crashed completely this week. Which is lame, considering I've had it two months. I have no time to bring it in until Tuesday. My work schedule has been crazy lately. Worked nearly 60 hours last week, and another 50 this week. Been raking in money lately, normally saving around $800 a month. That's cool, but wtf am I doing with the money and my life. I'm going to die, and not do anything with the money. I'm approaching $100k, which is about a year after I thought I reach that level, but quitting poker and the huge downswings I faced December 2011, really killed my chances to make poker a full time thing. I would like to start playing tournaments again, but as far as grinding cash games again I can't see myself doing that. I think I'm getting close to rock bottom. I feel like I'm just going down in flames. I need to get this alcoholism under wraps as soon as possible. I keep pushing everything off, it's so lame. I have drank kinda a little bit less the last few nights, aka not blacked out, and had some freaky dreams. Last night I'm pretty sure I was back in high school, and back with all those friends. It was trippy. It's just so tough as every, single night I'm offered free drinks at work. I just have to stop buying the damn weekly bottle of vodka. That's the main problem, I can't just drink one or two, I need to shut my brain off. It's depression really. Supressed it with booze for nearly 7 years now, and my body is paying the price. Thursday was drunken and high. Ended up sleeping in my car, well waking up in it anyways. I didn't drive. But the fact I'm blacking out in public is a huge problem. I need to cut out smoking. I have too many vices and don't need anymore. As far as comedy I have no real complaints. Mu joke writing has suffered as of late but my stage presence is the best it's been in awhile. I know I can go back to the character, to get the bigger laughs. I don't know what I'm doing to be honest. I didn't advance out of the second round of the last contest. All I did was rip on all the other comics on the show. I got a good response but maybe the crowd didn't take me seriously. I see other comics recording cd's and what not, and I'm not even sure I could do 45 minutes. Crazy to think I did 30 minutes 6 months in. I don't use basically any of those jokes but the point is I was working much harder on my jokes back then. Who knows what my focus is now. Sad thing is I don't know. It's almost like I don't care. I'm just going day to day, not thinking of the what the backlash is going to be.