Am I cocky?

cocky1
adj cockier, cockiest
excessively proud of oneself

cock·y (kk)
adj. cock·i·er, cock·i·est
Overly self-assertive or self-confident.

Seems I'm titling a lot of my blogs with questions. So a comic I often joke with asked me if I'm serious when I say, "You think you're better than me." The answer like the question is tough. Do I think I'm more talented than many comics, yes. Do I walk around, ignoring people, thinking I'm "better than you," I'd hope I don't. Since I was 14 years old I wanted to be a comic. I had no idea what that meant, but I knew I wanted to entertain, and be in movies, etc. I don't do comedy for fun, I do it to one day make it my life. If I didn't think I was better than many of the people, I wouldn't waste my time. You have to think your the best otherwise what's the point. When I play poker I always think I'm the best at the table. I guess by the definitions of cocky above I wouldn't say I'm cocky. I'm certainly not proud of myself, nor am I overly self-assertive. I would say I am self-confident, but if you're not, you'll never make it as a comic. You have to get on stage and make strangers laugh. Many people say they like to laugh but most rarely do. Laughter is somewhat a sign of weakness. Your words are more entertaining then their own thoughts. I don't think I'm better than anyone, and give many opportunities to new comedians. But I do think if one is to take comedy or anything seriously for that matter you have to at least want to be the best.

I can't say I completely love doing comedy. I enjoy it, but I am very competitive and it's one of the few things in life no matter how hard I work the results are out of my hands. I can craft a joke for hours, even days, but if a crowd doesn't laugh it's probably not funny. I could kill every night, but there is very little chance that comedy central's going to be calling me at the end of the week. Comedy takes time. A comic asked me to do a show this week, I of course said yes. He then something to the affect of we'll be happy to have you there telling jokes, being miserable. He wasn't being mean, but it was just funny that I give off a miserable vibe.

Winston's was Winston's. One person brought most of the crowd, and they were a tough sell. I did a mixture of old jokes and some brand new stuff. The new stuff went pretty ok. One joke is long, and a work in progress. It's tough to work out jokes at Winston's as the response is so scattered. I got a little feedback from some comics, mostly positive, so that's a plus. After the show I hung out with some of the comics. The thing about comics is most of the time all we talk about is comedy. I get annoyed, but for the most part it's all we have in common. One reason I don't enjoy talking about it is as for the most part it's talking poorly behind people's backs. I realize that's a part of life, but against popular belief I'm not a mean person. I'll make jokes about other comics, but really have nothing against anyone. I don't like how many people act or carry themselves but can't control everyone.