Jesus honestly?

So let's start by ranting about unlucky life other than comedy. Fuck poker, seriously, I just need to stop playing. Luck is involved in being good, and I'm not lucky at all, enough is enough already. Other shitty stuff, even though some fucking mexican standing outside my work store my year sticker, the city gave me a fucking ticket for that. I appealed it, and the jackass state of Cali kept the ticket intact. Now I have to wait 2 hours at the god damn DMV 2morow, because Arnold wants to close the fucking place down every Friday. LEt's save money. Hey jackass do you realize how much were paying ppl in unemployemnt. Give the miserable fuckers jobs at the DMV and let's get me out of there before a new shitty Terminator movie is released. God I hate stupid ppl. Then I get home and see a nice note from the IRS. I guess since I took my money out of mutual funds I have to pay taxes on that, so not only did I lose 5 grand in 2 months, now i have to pay the fuckers in Washington another 1k. Awesome thanks. And to show how unlucky I am, I didn't follow the progress of my mutual funds since I put it in when I was 18. I put money in in August of 2001, when I guess the market was at a real low. Welp Sept 11 happened and my 10k dropped to 5k. Because I'm a pussy I didn't invest more money then. Well the 5k made it's way to 13k. Then my mom said I could check out my stocks online. You know when this was. October 2008, when the market stARTEd tanking. Am I saying I am completely at fault for the market crashing, of course not, but it is kind of fucked up. My 13k dropped to 9k. I did some research and knew the market was going to go down big, so I pulled my money out. Well because I'm such a moron I guess I still had to take the loss on that day. Which the market lost me another 600$. Awesome thank you. Now I have to pay another 1k. WTF. How I still have money to my name is amazing.

Well comedy. Had a show tonight. Got some pressure to promote and bring people from the guy that runs the show. Basically saying if you don't bring people comedy isn't important to you. Really? If you do the same jokes every week, comedy obviously isn't that important to you. I end up going up basically first and most of the ppl that came to see me didn't get to see me. Not real happy about A. going first, B. not having ppl see me. Anyways, I will no longer do favors for ppl. I see why ppl get jaded. Gotta look out for yourself I guess. I was pissed b4 I got on stage, went into autopilot and did pretty well while I was up there, and took about a half hour to cool down after my set. Talked to the lady who calmed me down. I really think she's great and hope it works. She even invited ppl to come and they actaully came. I had no idea they were there, but one of them hugged me and said they got to see the end of my set. Oh well. Made a few bucks, had a few strangers say I was funny, guess it's an ok night.

Jokes: Facebook, spell check, google, typewriters, baby can read, give 2 shits, needle in a haystack, home depot, not a slut, intervention, can i be honest, how you doing, directions