Why oh why would you tell me that?

So I made it the last 3 days without day drinking. I mean I worked 2 of them and had a mid afternoon meeting the other one, but a win is a win. Gotta take small gains. I have been drinking less at night as well. Such a struggle, I hate it. As for the title one of my roommates friends felt the need to bring up my ex today. Why do people do that? Nobody wants to talk about their ex. Not only did he ask me that, he told me he saw that she was in a relationship with a black guy. Ummmmm thanks, for ruining my day and evening and week. I of course send her a text, to which she denies it. I have to believe it I suppose. I think she still has love and care for me, but simply hates me. She pictures me as a monster. That is a tough feeling. I'm an alcoholic but I am in no way a bad person. I know that for sure. Shitty person, never be a husband, sure, but I am a good person.I'm still on the fence on whether or not she is in a relationship, and even when I heard it, although hurt, I was ok with it I guess. It's the replaced again feeling. I suppose I will never get over what happened with my ex. I am in capable of feeling loved and good enough. It's a deep pain that may never go away. I need someone that will accept me as I am, but first I need to accept myself. How can someone love me when I hate myself. Oh well. I leave my phone in my car at night. Just protects me from texting her. She deserves a better life without me. Poker's been fun. Sunday I went up with Jesse at the Store. First time we've tried it there. We got 16 minutes which is fun. It wasn't polished or great but I think the crowd opened up and enjoyed us. Monday was the open mic. 45 people in the crowd. Better than most of our Best of show's and the best open mic I can recall in awhile. One guy brought a bunch of people and a girl was shooting a documentary and she brought a good amount of people too. I did an actual set for the most part, on top of messing around a little bit. I liked it. The girl shooting the vid complimented me a few times. She's way too cute to do comedy. Esp. cause she talks about not being able to get men, ya ok lady.