Picking up the pieces

So seems things with the ex are done for good. Thursday she texted me over and over again that she hated me, wanted to spit in my face, and never wanted to see me again. It was incredible mean and hurtful. She is upset that I hung out with the other girl, even though she was dating. Pretty rediculous claim. She said something to the effect that she was testing me, to see if I'd hang with her or something like that. Pretty crazy. I am not strong enough mentally to be with her. She is too serious, too intense. I wish we could just be two people and have fun. That's how things were at the start. Put there were too many rules, I was unhappy. I couldn't please her. My alcoholism obviously has a lot to blame about the relationship falling apart. But I can admit my mistakes, and want to change. I know she never will. She will make someone happy but that person, I know now will not be me. I tried Friday to come to some sort of truce but it was just more spiteful hate. We don't get along, can't find a common ground. We were just too different. I am in a better place than last week. Still drinking more than I ever have, and don't know how to kick it. I'm meeting with my friend who goes to AA tomorrow. Hopefully she can help me. I also researched some day time AA meetings. I might check one out this week. I'm just afraid I will just get more depressed than I already am. I need to make a change and the time is now. Comedy has been going great, esp. financially. Had the best week of the year this past one. I still think I need to get a day gig one or two days a week. Something to get my mind off things and not allow me to drink. They offered me a split shift at work 6-9, then 330-6, but it almost isn't worth it. I'll see how the next few weeks play out. If I can make headway on the drinking problem. Thursday I did a show at a Navy base. It was a little weird cause all the lights were on and it was in a conference hall. I messed around for the most part and think I got a pretty solid reaction. Did mostly the basics with mixed in crowd work. Friday was Winston's. I had a feeling it was gonna be busy and I was right. My set was a roller coaster, but ended strong. Always a fight, but I was happy about it. Saturday was back at the Store. It was likely one of the best crowds for a weekend in awhile. Everyone did well. The open normally struggles but he did well. The feature has the hackiest, dumbest jokes but crowds eat it up. The headliner was either high or drunk or both but he was slurring about everything. It was crazy he still remembered his 45 plus minute set. I heard he really struggled the night before, the crowd loved him.